The End of 2007...The Beginning of 2008

It had been the most eventful 365 days of my life as 2007 left me with bittersweet memories. With much anticipation about the upcoming 2008, I hope it will start on a good note. First and foremost, moi going to take up a new job in a new environment, a totally new industry and nonetheless with new colleagues. Oh, how I missed my ex-col(s) back in WT, people who made life so much more bearable and enjoyable under miserable working conditions. I really thank GOD for them, people like Celine, Jace, Larry, Steven, Gladis, Catherine, Kerin, Lily etc..

I also thank GOD for those who made my life rather agonizing (whether deliberate or not), because through all these difficult times, I learnt to be more tolerating, more persevering. At the same time, I also learnt more about myself, my abilities in terms of my strengths and weaknesses. I also experienced about the cruelty of the working life. It is a dog eat dog world out there, you got to really LOOK where you are treading...

I will not give up so easily after a minor setback, I will get up and be tougher than before. My fighting spirit will grow stronger from within, because I got a powerful backer who will always emerged victoriously. HE is GOD. Amen.

Not going to make any new year resolutions because it NEVER works..hahaha, procrastination is my stumbling block. And woes to my pocket, I got 3 weddings just the 1st week of January..many birthdays also in January (including MINE!!). Well, at least, I got Jay Chou's concert to look forward to, yipee!!

To all folks outta, Happy 2008 and may the new year bring great joy and tidings!!

How True

It is not up to me anymore if you want me in your life..you'll find a way to put me there.

Benevolent Dreamer

Benevolent Dreamer

My Personality Disorder

You think you have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder
Everything must be ordered and controlled, even if it takes a lot of time and effort. You spend so long taking care of the schedule and making sure that the rules are upheld, that the point of any activity is lost. You won`t complete a project until it is exactly perfect, and you prefer not to work with others because they just don`t do things in the right way.


-Personality Test taken from Facebook

My Bintan Trip 2007

Just returned from a 3D2N Bintan trip, it was a great and relaxing hols. The best part, a good tan....golden brown. The downs...my skin is "burning" and hopefully I don't peel off as much and leave uneven tone. Nevertheless, I thank GOD for the wonderful weather. Sunny yet windy...oh I am missing the little island already.

Why...and more whys

Why am I so pessimistic and not optimistic?
Why do I worry so much and not carpe diem?
Why do I procastinate and not take that one bold step to make a difference?
Why do I yearn so much about something that I'll never get and not appreciate the good things around me?
Why do I not count my blessings but lament so much about the loss?
Why? Why? And more whys....

... .... ....

Somehow I wish, I ain't living the life I had right now
How I wish I can just fly away
Far far away....
To a place unknown to anyone

Has the world gotten me down on my knees
Darken my vision, blurred my senses
Look around us, what do you see?
A crowd of lifeless souls....parading aimlessly

Quien Sera

Quièn serà la que me quiera mi
quièn serà, quièn serà
quièn serà la que me dè su amor
quièn serà, quièn serà

Si algùn dia la podrè encontrar
yo no sè, yo no sè
yo no sè si volverè a querer
yo no sè, yo no sè
He querido volver a vivir'la ilusiòn
la pasiòn de un amor
de un amor que me hiciera sentir
que me hiciera felizcomo ayer lo fui

Quièn serà la que me quiera mi
quièn serà, quièn serà
quièn serà la que me dè su amor
quièn serà, quièn serà

Look At Me

Interesting...

Saw this interesting phrase:

It is difficult to live in the PRESENT, ridiculous to live in the FUTURE and impossible to live in the PAST.

Tot Of The Day

The myraid life of a cosmopolitan is just a simple facade that hides the complexity within...

Metamorphosis

I could no longer recognize the reflection I see in the mirror. It is going through a metamorphosis. Like a caterpillar transforming to a butterfly except that I have no idea how it will turn out to be.

What do you see in me?

我不想忘记你

我在向前走却像在退后
我在用想念狂欢寂寞
越快乐就越失落
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心

我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛 我不说对不起

一个人不懂什么是拥有
两个人不懂怎么把握
越在乎就越脆弱
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你 就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心

我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
你这个决定
虽然艰辛 我不说对不起

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你 就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心

我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛 我不说对不起

- 郭静

Goodbye Uncle Wilson

It is as depressing as it is daunting for the past few months, I can almost feel the somber atmosphere still lingering…many people had passed on…among whom were my dearest dad and uncle. It affected me a lot to see my uncle’s health deteriorated, to see him getting weaker each day (he weighed a meagre 36kg), and finally to succumb to his illness as the organs malfunctioned and everything came to an end. But what’s more appalling and deplorable was not the illness itself, but was not seeing the support and love he should have gotten from his very own family.

I cannot comprehend and to a certain extent, am infuriated. You could say people dealt with grief differently but definitely not with playing mahjong and laughing away when relatives were mourning and helping to watch over the night. The end result: left mourning relatives disgusted, abhorrent and disapproval at their behaviour.

Even during the days when my uncle was struggling to fight with his illness in the hospital, they weren’t anywhere near him. Ironically, it was the nieces/ nephews/ sisters/ brothers who dared to come into contact with him. Stroking and talking to him…with words of encouragement, telling him how much we love him, giving him the support so that he had the will to fight on. He was on breathing support (100%) initially, but his condition improved that the support reduced to 50%.

How disheartening it was when the person whom you pledged to spend your life with in sickness or in health, was considering about giving up. No matter how strong-willed you may be, if you were to hear that your family had entertained the thoughts of giving your life up on your behalf, I think you would have lost all fighting spirit.

When they wanted to move him to a hospital nearer to their home, I thought their intention was to shorten the traveling time. But it turned out that, despite it was within walking distance, they weren’t there most of the time. How grief-stricken! Don’t they want to spend more time with him since they knew that time was brief and precious?

Is it human nature? To regret and lament about the loss only when it was too late?
On a lighter note, at least I know that he was no longer subject to all the sufferings. May he rest in peace and may the Lord bestowed grace and mercy upon him.

On A Quiet Wednesday Morning

It is exactly 0122hrs, on a quiet Wednesday morning. Surprisingly, I am not yet zonked out on my big, cosy bed. Was just trying to finish up some work. I did though 80% of the time was spent on chatting on the skype...wahahaha...that's what I called: MULTI-TASKING.

Something has been bothering me recently, a tacky situation which I have yet to come to a resolution. My days had been pretty tiring, shuttling between places. Am tired physically, and totally drained out mentally and emotionally.

To be continued....

My eyelids are too heavy....the monitor is blurred...time to rest for the day...

Where is my soul?

Physically my being is here, but my soul is elsewhere
Every waking moments, I yearned for escapism

謝謝愛 - Garden Sister

雨下好亂
半個夜晚
你不在身邊怎麼
晚安
天好藍
要和你一起看
啟風時由你來溫暖

心事簡單
一句說完
要我們永遠不會
分開
有眼淚
也因為你燦爛
你微笑因為我盛開

要謝謝愛讓你
在我身邊守護著我的未來
有多少美麗奇跡
你手心裡全都記載
好期待

要謝謝愛讓我
學會寬容學會體諒關懷
向陽光陪著大海
是平靜還是澎湃
都是愛

Everything

You're a falling star you're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

From the album "Call Me Irresponsible" by Michael Buble

T for T: Thoughts for Thursday

“….she was forced to consider the startling fact that the love of her life might not actually be someone with whom she could spend a lifetime.” - "The Tenth Circle" by Jodi Picoult

How piognant, true yet ironical.

THE ONE HUNDREDTH DAY

ONE HUNDRED DAYS = 2400hrs = 144000mins = 8640000secs, that's exactly how long it had been since the day my dad left us to continue his journey in the other dimension, unknown yet mysterious,, alone. Somehow, we all managed to survive amidst all the anger, grief, sadness, uncertainties etc. I thank GOD for seeing me through these trying periods, to share my grief and comfort me in HIS own ways.

Albeit my own sadness, I am thrilled to know that my good friend had brought into this world, a cutesy little baby girl. Thank GOD that the little baby girl is weighing a healthy 2.8kg, measuring 48cm in length. Congrats!!

My Utopia, My Heaven

I like to ponder when I am travelling alone during those long-and-almost-no-traffic timing, on the bus or cab. Though I may dread loneliness, but yet I enjoyed the solitary where I can have some quiet moments by myself admist rushing through the hustle-bustle of life of a typical city-dweller. Which, unfortunately is inevitable as it is horrendously suffocating.

I always had this vision, of myself lying freely, on this vast endless lush greenery that spread across the horizons, embracing the whole earth. Basking in the soft warm glow of the sun, with the breeze kissing my cheeks, and my soul roams freely. Totally liberated. Free-spirited. No constraints nor restraints. I longed for the escapism to this seemingly mysterious yet serene utopia.

Who can take me to this place called "heaven"?

From Mitch Albom To Jodi Picoult

Had just digested my 3rd Mitch Albom's, really enjoyed reading his works. He is such a charmer, his simplistic yet explicable writings that won me over. No BIG words or whatsoever, which enables me to get over and done with in 2 days flat. Whenever I laid my hands on his work, I vowed to complete it almost as instantaneous as I started it. Composing as the 1st person added a personal touch to it. Simply marvellous and beautifully written. It touches on humanity, feelings, emotions...

By far, my favourite will the "For One More Day", perhaps because I was able to relate to it, in some way, or rather I hoped that I'll be able to experience what he did...except for the suicide part. Go on, I'll urge you earnestly, to read this book.

Jodi Picoult, another favourite of mine. Into my 4th book by Jodi, her works are always so intriguing and controversial. Her books had got alot to do with humanity, my recent read was "Vanishing Acts". A dad kidnapped her own daughter to keep her safe from a drunkard mother....and the story goes on from there...how the dad faced trials, where long-kept secrets are overturned, long forgotten memories are evoked and what-not.

Now I am exploring a new novelist, at least new to me, Audrey Niffenegger. The gist of the story...about an extraordinary love between two lives, who struggled to lead normal lives because one of them had a rare condition whereby the genetic clock periodically resets...

Oh I can't wait to start...

Sad

Had my 2nd bible study today and the topic was on Baptism of the Holy Spirit. Ain't going to talk about lesson but rather the event that took place right after...

Met up with my sis for lunch...and we were chatting when she told me about a dream she had recently about dad. It was disturbing as it was upsetting. I couldn't comprehend nor could I imagined such a horrible thing to take place. I couldn't come to terms with it. Pondered on it for the whole day, my heart ached the very minute my mind re-enact the whole scence (of the dream).

It was so scary and unbelieveable that it was by no means an easy task to pen it down in words. None could answer my thousand questions, except HIM. I kept wondering why the outcome had to be like this, why? Only GOD can answer for only GOD knows.

I prayed to the Lord that HE will help me to understand and to accept what I had read or known from the dream. HE is a merciful GOD, with love and compassion for HIS children, HIS people. That HE will grant me the peace right now, I dearly longed for. My mind is now in a total confusion and turmoil. In panic, anxiety and uncertainties. HE is the refuge that I will seek, my shelter in times of trouble. HIS bosom whom I embraced, like a child feel safe in his mother's. Let me rest and leave it to GOD. Amen.

My Evenings With HANA KIMI

A lazy Saturday, it's been quite a while, since I had such a slow moving and relaxing afternoon. With nice soothing music playing in the background, and an aroma cup of coffee to accompany me through the day. These couple of months had been crazy. Time passes at the speed of light...yes, at such rapid acceleration I can hardly take a breather. That I hadn't had a decent glimpse of what's going on around me. So, I am particularly grateful for this little time alone, to indulge in my one my favourite pastime, that is, penning my thoughts in my little snowglobe, protected against the harsh reality of life.

Recently a friend of mine, who is a TV addict cum a showbiz fanatic, lent me a set of DVDs A taiwanese serial, adapted from a japanese comic, HANAZAKARINO KIMITACHIHE, in short,HANA KIMI.Had the most enjoyable time, indeed a uproarious show. I could almost watched it again and again and again...

Simple things in life make a whole lot of differences at times. Thank you my friend, for sharing this. You made a difference in my life, thank you for your little encouraging smses. You are an angel, at least to me. Arigato!

V.O.I.D

Life is so fragile and unexpected...there is a void in my life, an emptiness that no one can understand nor fill in the gap.
He may not be physically around, but he lives in the my heart forever.
Constantly missed and remembered by me.

60 days full of void, such irony...and still counting.

20.02.2007 - Fateful Tuesday

3 weeks has passed since my dad departed us for the other world. During this period, my life seemed to be thrown into turmoil. From the very second I received that fateful call from my sister, right up to the day the funeral ended. I tried to grapple with the fact that my dad was no longer with us physically. With every description of him that had to be in past tense. Mixed feelings overwhelmed me. Sad, shock, despair, lost, anger…till I can no longer find any words that can aptly described how I feel.

My dad had always been a very quiet person. He doted on us, showing no favoritism among the three of us. Having worked hard all these years, he had never took leave to rest. Woke up every morning at 0530hrs and left home at 0600hrs for work till he came home for dinner at 1800hrs. Almost a 12-hr shift, but I never heard any complaint from him at all. Seldom indulged himself, instead he indulged in us. Never did he say no to me when I asked him for more money. He seldom caned us except when the quarrel between me and my 2nd sister got out of hand during our adolescent years. He had always played that quiet supportive role in my life.

I missed by dad terribly and wasn’t able to accept his death when the doctor pronounced him dead. Why? Why my dad? He was only 62 years of age and had no prior heart problems. All I know is that he had hypertension and was under control with the regular medication. He hadn’t really enjoyed life despite working so hard all these years. I questioned GOD. Did GOD make a mistake? Why weren’t we given a chance to revive him? When weren’t he given the chance to live longer, to enjoy life? When I had to collect his body the next day, I cried uncontrollably in the car. Who can understand my feelings then? It was unbearable, when I see his body lying motionlessly on the cold steel makeshift bed. I touched my dad’s hand, and I realized all these years, I had never really taken a close look at my dad. How he had aged...

Life is so fragile, and I never really understood this meaning till I experienced it myself. It was more than fragility, it was unexpected and unpredictable. Someone told me, not to dwell on the things that I regretted I didn’t do, but rather dwell on the things that I am glad I did. I couldn't think anymore but two:

1. That I had the chance to let my dad walked me down the aisle
2. He visited my new home together with the rest of the family

Please pardon me for I can no longer continue this post as my vision is blurred by my tears. I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that my dad is no longer around. Papa, I loved you and missed you terribly. You’ll always live in my heart. I will be strong for mama. May your soul rest in peace.

T.W.O Z.E.R.O Z.E.R.O S.E.V.E.N

2007 is already midway into the first quarter and even CNY is approaching. TIme flies....and I haven't made any resolution for the year. Not that it is a usual practice, but somehow, I felt I needed to get aligned with myself on what I wanted to achieve for the upcoming year.

There are going to be some minor changes that I need to adapt to, at the same time, hoping that things will get better as the earth revolves with each step I undertake.

Yet many times, I realised I am the positioning myself at the center of my life. Like what I want to do, what I don't like, what I.....and what-not. Perhaps, I should just take a breather, step down from the self-centred pedestal, and look at things in another perspective. And perhaps, I could have view things in a different eye. Exploring alternatives and coming to decisions which had never crossed my mind.

Are you lost already? It doesn't matter...I hope to get right with GOD, to let Him be the captain of my life, and to steer me towards greater things in life. Just trust upon Him.