Today is one of the few occasions that I feel extremely and terribly suicidal. Just when I was about to pen down all my thoughts, the phone went on to speaker phone mode, all by itself. Weird. It would have been described as eerie if I was the only one left in my lab. The whole corridor is deserted and almost everyone has left the premises. Wanted so much to get out of this lab which have "jailed" me for the past decent 8hrs and here I am, still stuck here doing overtime out of my own will. Because I need to utilise my time. Instead of idling around or go on shopping spree which I will DEFINITELY regret later, I have decided to stay on to finish up some work.
Work has been very unsatisfying for the past months especially after I graduate. Coming to work can be dreadful at times and unmotivating. Super low morale. I would often stare at my monitor blankly, my mind wondering away from me unconsciously. The moment (read: graduation) that I longed for came but left me even more troubled. Worried and uncertain about my future. The scenario should have been a future shining brightly for me, but I seemed to engulfed in misty and darkness. Worst still, I am having weird and bizzare nightmares recently. Those with repeated patterns. Is it a sign? Trying to tell me something? Arrrrrrr....I am not talking sense now.
I need to get out of here, yes, right now. Away from this room when you see nothing but walls, walls and more walls. I feel trapped. Unable to think, unable to comprehend.
Am I having a mid-life (as in mid-twenties) crisis?? Oh, GOD help me!!