3 weeks has passed since my dad departed us for the other world. During this period, my life seemed to be thrown into turmoil. From the very second I received that fateful call from my sister, right up to the day the funeral ended. I tried to grapple with the fact that my dad was no longer with us physically. With every description of him that had to be in past tense. Mixed feelings overwhelmed me. Sad, shock, despair, lost, anger…till I can no longer find any words that can aptly described how I feel.
My dad had always been a very quiet person. He doted on us, showing no favoritism among the three of us. Having worked hard all these years, he had never took leave to rest. Woke up every morning at 0530hrs and left home at 0600hrs for work till he came home for dinner at 1800hrs. Almost a 12-hr shift, but I never heard any complaint from him at all. Seldom indulged himself, instead he indulged in us. Never did he say no to me when I asked him for more money. He seldom caned us except when the quarrel between me and my 2nd sister got out of hand during our adolescent years. He had always played that quiet supportive role in my life.
I missed by dad terribly and wasn’t able to accept his death when the doctor pronounced him dead. Why? Why my dad? He was only 62 years of age and had no prior heart problems. All I know is that he had hypertension and was under control with the regular medication. He hadn’t really enjoyed life despite working so hard all these years. I questioned GOD. Did GOD make a mistake? Why weren’t we given a chance to revive him? When weren’t he given the chance to live longer, to enjoy life? When I had to collect his body the next day, I cried uncontrollably in the car. Who can understand my feelings then? It was unbearable, when I see his body lying motionlessly on the cold steel makeshift bed. I touched my dad’s hand, and I realized all these years, I had never really taken a close look at my dad. How he had aged...
Life is so fragile, and I never really understood this meaning till I experienced it myself. It was more than fragility, it was unexpected and unpredictable. Someone told me, not to dwell on the things that I regretted I didn’t do, but rather dwell on the things that I am glad I did. I couldn't think anymore but two:
1. That I had the chance to let my dad walked me down the aisle
2. He visited my new home together with the rest of the family
Please pardon me for I can no longer continue this post as my vision is blurred by my tears. I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that my dad is no longer around. Papa, I loved you and missed you terribly. You’ll always live in my heart. I will be strong for mama. May your soul rest in peace.