Hiatus Again....

I am on a hiatus again...almost 2 months since I last penned any thoughts on my blog. Well, life had been extremely busy. Recently been involved in a BIG project which requires laborious undertakings...well, I guess it will be worth all the effort and time invested ultimately. Am looking foward to it with much anticipation and excitement.

As for work wise, things has been going really really slow. Predominantly due to the torpid market. Seems that outlook will not be as good next year. It will be another challenge for me as I am tasked to undertake and grow numbers for that problematic region. And my performance will be measured solely on the business growth. What's worse and more catastrophic than having a bunch of imbecile (GOD, forgive me!!) that need your every hour, minute and seconds of monitoring, inspecting, supervision??? Which means, it is going to be a arduous journey...but I am sure I can and will emerge victoriously and live happily ever after.

Hopelessly...Sentimental

Until now, I am still unable to forgive myself for hurting you. Looking back at the photos and countless cards, just bring back the once-so-sweet but now-gone-forever good times we shared. These memories, will always be etched deep in my heart. I am really really sorry.

In life, we are bound to make many choices. Unfortunately throughout the 20 odd years of my existence, I made some terrible mistakes which I regretted badly. People always say to look ahead, and not to cry over spilt milk. I just can't help it. The weather is rather hot and humid right now, unlike rainy days where my thoughts are let loose and run wild a little. Probably because work hasn't been quite smooth-sailing that I began to question myself...of many many things in life.

Was just browsing through some photos. People changed, times changed, things changed, feelings changed. Made me realised that everything around me is changing, whether I like it anot, I have no choice. One can never outrun time. Even I see changes in myself. I am no longer the carefree, happy-go-lucky girl. Bogged down by work (recently additional dosage of stress), family woes, personal issues, worries and what-not. I can't and haven't had a good laugh for quite some time. Things are happening so fast, time passing by, that I ain't got time to sit down and relax, to ponder, to take time to think. Just blindly trying to accomplish my daily tasks. Isn't there more to life than just trying to make ends meet? Where is that quality life? What am I striving so hard for? Do I really want to continue my life in this madly racing manner till I die of old age or sickness? I shudder at the thoughts.

Aimlessly. Lost. Unfulfilled.

Take A Break...

Ever had the experience of being trapped, like deep in a forest? I had.

Engulfed by total darkness, surrounded by countless trees, so compact and condensedly arranged, towering all the way up into the heavens. No light can shine through. Totally impenetrable. Upon my feet, a winding trail appears. A trail filled with pebbles and small stones. It seemed an endless route, where you cannot define the start nor end point. I ain't got a choice but to progress along the trail.

I walked and walked, taking every step conscientiously, not knowing where it might lead me to. Deeper and deeper into the forest I went forth. Breathing increases intensively, each step getting heavier due to weariness. Crestfallen to the point of beyond description, my fatigued body gave way and I collapsed hard onto the ground. Jaded, with every miniscule strength left, I dragged my almost defunct body up to continue the hike.

I began to question my own existence. Where am I? What am I doing here? Why is there not a single soul to be seen? What is the mission of my life? Where is this quest going to lead me to? Again, I fell to the ground for my body could no longer sustained the long, arduous journey that I had embarked for hours.

Feeling exhausted and disconcerted, I closed my eyes. For a moment, I thought I heard the streaming of a rivulet, the chirping of birds and the whistling of a breeze. I could almost smell the crisp of fresh air.

Then, I opened my eyes. The breathtaking scenic view appeared right before my eyes. The sounds of the cascading flows of water streaming down the lake nearby brings such serenity and tranquility to my heart. The cheery chirping of the birds brings such warmth. The crisp air seem to release a new lease of life, reviving me once again.

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Pondering thoughts: The life journey is arduously long and no one can ever accomplished it in a day. Take a rest, then continue with the walk.

C.H.A.N.G.E

How tolerant and perseverance one can be when driven by a strong force or desire to make things work out even in the worst and most unthinkable situation. Recently, I see alot of changes in myself. Unable to express explicitly or to even put it in simple words. WHAT HAPPEN?!?!??!

If....

If I could turn back the hands of TIME,
Would things turn out differently?

If I could control the FATE in my own hands,
What would I turn out to be?

If I could have another CHANCE,
Would you still be there for me?

If and only if,
LIFE would have no regrets.

On A Rainy Saturday Afternoon

It seems like I have been on a hiatus for an extensively long period. Browsing through, my last entry was actually way back in March. Working life has been extremely hectic and stressful. Though blogging has always been a venting outlet for me but time proved to be too precious at this moment. I am not going to spend any more time in front of my monitor after 8 straight hours of it in the office. Rather, top priority reserved to replenish my beauty sleep.

Weather has been rather erratic lately, I can no longer distinct when to expect dry and humid or wet and gloomy days. It was pouring earlier on, but the rain has stopped. Rather cooling now, the clouds have not cleared away which means it will start to pour any minute now. But I welcome it anyway, love the rain, the smell, the thunderous storm and occasional lightning. Hahaha...then I can laze at home. Be a couch potato for the day, stuff myself silly with tidbits and not feeling a tinge of bitterness about time being wasted away on a lovely Saturday afternoon.

I haven't been going out much lately either, for a couple of reasons. There is this highly addictive entertainment...MAPLE STORY, an online interactive game. I can be hooked on it for hours, regardless of day or night. But the craze is starting to loosen up a little, not so obsessed over it. Novelty dies off pretty fast. Another reason being, too zonk out during weekdays. Crowded places just put me off, I rather spend my time on a quiet stretch of the beach with a good book and nice smelling aroma of coffee.

You know what, I am going to get myself a good book. Detest going to library where collection not extensive and books are simply not in the best conditions. I just love the crisp smell of new books. Tata.

04.03.06

Nothing special about today,
can't think of any relevant title that can aptly described my feelings now. That is because, me myself, is clueless about my inner thoughts. It just so happened to be 4th March 2006.

Nevertheless, the sun is burning fiercely, blasting scorching rays onto the mother earth. A fine day at the beach, I presume, would have lighten up my spirits a little. Not that I am really blue nor melancholic, just plainly bored.

My work is by far, dynamic and compelling, majority of the time. Not quite used to it initially, practically everything is new. Untrained in this field, hence the learning curve is quite steep. This is a challenge, an assessment of my adaptability and perseverance. PR skills are necessities, of paramount importance and a survival tool.

Despite facing some adversity, while wading into a new territory, I have also come to know some really interesting facts/things/people which entralled me at times. *chuckle*

Reunion Dinner

Today is the eve of lunar New Year, also known as, Chinese New Year. Every year at this time, all family members will gathered around the table to feast at the sumptuous spread of food, which is usually steamboat, delicately-prepared by Mum. This year is no exception. The whole fridge is being stored to the brim and on the brink of breaking down. A-ha...time to change to a bigger, cooler refrigerator.

I treasured this reunion dinner with utmost affection. Not because of the delectable and mouth-watering delicacies, but the thought of everyone making time to sit down together to have dinner just warmed my heart. It was not a casual affair that we get to dine together as a whole family. One of my sister is married and getting off from work at different times further added to the irrealizable task. Almost impossible.

The most amusing and enjoyable part should be credited to the "lao yu sheng" prior to the dinner. We will all armed with chopsticks, and start to "lou hay", while not forgetting the auspicious greetings and wishes. It never failed to get everyone laughing heartily.

Over the years, we have new additions to the family. From 5 to 6 to 8 and now 9. Probably in a year or two, the number will increase to 10 **smiles* or even more. Oh no, I could almost hear my stomach rumbling, ops!!

Happy Chinese New Year and may the new year bring good tidings and best of health.

Bright & Sunny

Then...

Light began to crept in,
Blinding me through the eyes.

I could see the sun shining brightly,
Proudly in the skies.

Even the air smell of sweetness,
I can ever desire.

These are the essence of my roseate days.

Dark & Gloomy

It was cold, dark and empty,
Desolate and abandoned.

The world seemed so lonely,
Devasted and sunken.

Consumed in total perplexity,
Estranged and forsaken.

Those were the epitome of my tenebrous days.

Great News!!

Can't really explain it explicitly, blame it on my deficient in vocab. But I am indeed full of joy and glee.
After months "idling" and occasional depression pangs, I finally got myself out of s***. Yes, PRAISE GOD, I got a job. Hallejuah!!

This year is really going to be for more an exciting (an understatement) with tremendous changes along the way, not forgetting the challenges as well. Busy busy busy year. Nonetheless, I looked forward to the new year with a positive mindset and motivation to work even more harder for myself and my new home/ family. Gets me really exhilarating, just thinking about the upcoming year.

May we live each day as the last day of our lives, because in this way, we will learn to be more appreciative and embrace each second with utmost enthusiasm and passion.

My Special Day

N years ago, an adorable baby girl was born healthily on this day, by the grace of GOD. Exactly N years later, she was remodeled, refitted and reshaped from the once cute and curious little girl to the tanned-plump-tomboyish-adorned with mushroom hairstyle teenage during puberty and eventually developed into a more girly-like femme called Mademoiselle J.

The result of the metamorphosis showed stupendous changes from childhood to adulthood. Some of my old classmates/ schoolmates/ coursemates (some as old as 13 years ago and some as young as 4 years ago) wasn't able to put a name to my face. I definitely welcome the changes (esp. the shedding off kilos part) and embrace them with much felicity.

I am a sucker for card and this year, I only got one. Well, with the state-of-the-art technology, advanced and diversified communication tools , hand-written cards were no longer favoured. It is the era of SMSes/ MMSes and what-not. Nevertheless, I still meticulously read up every SMSes/ MMSes and replied with a word of thanks. Being a sentimental at heart and nostalgic at times, all birthday wishes and messages are saved separately in a specially dedicated folder in my phone memory.

A year older, and there will be many changes at the end of the year. It is going to be a busy but yet fruitful year ahead. Look forward to live everyday to the fullest. Stay happy and healthy...striving to be more loving and GOD-fearing.

Yay, I made it in time to post my entry before my birthday is over. Happy Birthday to myself.

Rejoice!

Being a levis member, you are entitled to a 1-time 25% off purchase during your birthday month. so last sunday, bought 2 pair of jeans. the size wasn't right (for him) so i had to go down to exchange it.

Met up with my friend who wanted to get some stuff from bodyshop. yes if you are smart, there is also a 1-time 20% off purchase during your birthday month..haha. she wanted to get a blusher but ended up spending more than 70 bucks worth of merchandise. well, the service was really commendable.

That's not what i want to share. my friend's younger sister joined us much later after her manicure. I haven't seen her for ages. now a mother of two (with 1 inside her tummy), she looked like my friend with the amount of weight she put on during her pregnancy. just for a bit of history, she has the perfect figure in schooldays, slender and tall. Found out some time ago that she had become a christian. Continued our shopping for a while till she said she had a craving for ice-cream. We sat down, took our orders and began to chat. There, she shared about her relationship with her in-laws, married life etc.

Another bit of history about her...despite having really good results, she was rebellious too. My friend used to tell me this sister of hers did almost every unthinkable "bad" stuff during her teenage years. But throughout our conversation, I saw changes from her. Post-natal blues got her after the birth of her 1st daughter and was plunged into depression. It was her bro-in-law who took her to church that she slowly got out of it. Now, a regular church-goer, she relates how her relationship with GOD brought her happiness and taught her how to be more loving. She no longer used to be what she was, not so self-centred, she cared about people and their feelings. How she disapproved of some of the things her mother-in-law do, but deep inside she knew it was out of good intention.

Deep inside my heart, i was really rejoicing. I cannot fully relate my feelings and emotions at that moment. All I can say is that GOD works miraculously and I can see that HE is penetrating into the families of my friends. But yet on the other hand, I am ashamed of myself not being a devoted christian, not sharing the good news with my friends and loved ones. Because I do not feel myself proficient in GOD's teachings but I am sure He will used me in other ways.

But yet some things about her unchanged. Her sharp tougue, witted mind and quick thinking. We took train home and it was crowded but nobody gave up seat for her. She told me of an incident. On a trip home on train, as her tummy was big, she had to walk slowly. This guy, on seeing that, rushed to occupy the only seat in the train. A kind malay auntie sitting next to this guy offered her seat to her. She was disgusted when the guy took out a Bible (she wasn't a christian then). To digress abit, as christian, we always need to watch what we do or say. We have to walk with GOD, to do things as what Jesus would do. If not, we'll be giving out the wrong signal like this guy. We, ourselves, are living testimonies of our faith.

Anyway, my friend asked her sister what would she do now if the same thing happened? She answered bashfully, saying "Bro, you must be God-loving so share your love (seat)"!! We laughed.

Pest

It is inherent that many things changes with time. Needless to say, humans are also subjected to such alteration and development. Unfortunately for some, this metamorphosis can be so outrageously repugnant and scandalous.

The treacherous antagonist (multi-headed scheming snake..hiss hiss) is a habitual fabricator, who got all facts twisted according to his own, most unreliable fashion. Thus, causing unrest, perturbation and unnecessary delusion. Agreeable and amiable as he might seemed, under this deception, is actually a loathsome character. Whom highly gratifies oneself in defamation and concoting fallacious stories. Beware that you do not fall into his trap nor become his leading actor/ actress in this nonsensicle fable.

Well, to my opinion, these people are just merely a bunch of low self-esteem, jealous and completely insecure imbecile. Take no part in their incongruous behaviour and let them continue to indulge in their own fantasy creation. Soon, the truth will be out. Good always pervails evil.

There's an old chinese saying...."清者自清". (decipherable by Unicode UTF-8)